Ingredients of an Interaction

Ingredients of an Interaction

 

1. Warm-up

 

Read the following. Discuss the reading with one or two others. What happened for the farmer? How could he have avoided the problem? Try to come up with three things that the farmer could have done differently.

A farmer, whose wife was ill, called for the doctor. The doctor made a house call, and came carrying his bag. The farmer brought the doctor to the room where his wife lay ill. "You wait outside while I examine her," the doctor told the farmer.

Five minutes after entering the room, the doctor came out: "Do you have a screwdriver?" "Yes," said the farmer. "I’ll go get it." Soon the farmer returned with a screwdriver and gave it to the doctor. The doctor went back into the room and shut the door. The farmer wondered, "what is wrong with my wife that the doctor needs to use a screwdriver?"

Five minutes later the doctor comes out again. "I need a wrench." So the farmer brought the doctor a wrench, which the doctor took back into the room with him. "First a screwdriver and now a wrench. What is he doing to my wife?" wondered the farmer.

Another five minutes pass and the doctor comes out with the following request for the farmer: "I need a hacksaw." "A hacksaw!" exclaims the farmer. "What is wrong with my wife that you would need a hacksaw."

"I haven’t examined your wife, yet. I’m still trying to open my bag."

 

1. Objectives and Expectations
   • Met the Ingredients;
   • Used examples to walk through the Ingredients;
   • Identified ways to intercept our personal patterns;
   • Practiced interrupting a personal pattern;
   • Discussed how we can help others who have mixed together old and new ingredients.

 

By the end of this session we will have:

Individually, identify your one main expectation for this evening. Write your expectation on a sticky note.

We will share all the expectations as we post them on the flip-chart.

 

1. Meeting the Ingredients

 

Virginia Satir developed the Ingredients of an Interaction model to help therapists and clients understand the internal communication process. With an understanding of this process we may better be able choose what changes to make in the way we communicate.

Intake: What do I hear and see? I may notice some or all of what there is available to be observed.

Meaning: What meaning do I make? The meaning is my interpretation of what the other person intends or feels in this moment.

Feeling: How do I feel about this meaning? This is how I feel about myself, the other person or the situation based on the meaning I had given to what I observed.

Feeling about the Feeling: How do I feel about my feelings? Now I judge whether it is OK or not OK to have the feeling.

Defense: What defenses do I use? My defenses are activated if I judge my feelings to be not OK. The defenses are: Projecting, denial, distorting and ignoring.

Rules for Commenting: What rules do I use for commenting? I may have rules that prevent me from honestly sharing what is happening inside me.

Response: What do I say and do after I process this information?

Going through all these steps takes less than a second in most cases. During this workshop we will slow down our responses so that we can see how these ingredients work.

 

1. Try the Ingredients with some examples

 

As a group we will step through the Ingredients using these statements as part of the Intake step.

"What time is it?"

"What do you think you’re doing!!"

"Are you crazy! You can’t do that!"

 

1. Intercepting the Process
   1. The Rule of Threes

   Virginia Satir encouraged people to have at least three choices. She said to have one choice is no choice; to have two choices is a dilemma; and to have three choices offers new possibilities. Consider three meanings, three responses and three actions when looking at changing old behavior patterns.

   1. Points for interceptions

   Intake: learn to observe more, and to comment on what you observe.

   Meaning: identify two other meanings in addition to the first one you made.

   Feeling: are my feelings connected to past experiences or are they about the here and now?

   Feeling about the feeling: consider that it is always OK to feel what you feel. Then you can choose how you express that feeling.

   Defense: if you own and accept your feelings you will not need to defend yourself and you can be in charge of how you cope.

   Rules for commenting: if you own and accept your feelings you can make choices on what and how to comment.

   Response: what other possible responses can you identify?

   1. Activating the interception

   Since we traverse the ingredients so quickly it is often difficult to intercept the process intellectually or emotionally without lots of practice. Using a physical interruption can be useful for intercepting the pattern so that you have time to change your response. A danger is that you might decide to cope with the situation by ignoring it rather than attempting to respond authentically.

   Physical interruptions include: shifting your position; turning around; dropping something on the floor.

   1. Visualizing a new ingredient

   It is helpful to have a clear sense of how you would like to respond in situations where you have established an inappropriate pattern. You can mentally rehearse replacing one or more old ingredients with new ones.

 

Most conversations are not a problem for us. We answer the questions posed to us as honestly as possible and respond to comments calmly. How can we intercept our uncomfortable internal processes so that we can maintain our integrity and honesty? Here are four ideas to help you intercept an old pattern so that you may choose a new possibility.

 

1. Practice

 

The practice can be done in pairs or triads. In a triad one person will be an observer and can help coach the others. Practice with a simple situations of light emotional intensity.

Person A will identify a situation where she would like to learn an alternative response. She will ask person B to behave in a specified way and speak a short statement.

Person A will first recall how she has normally handled this situation in the past. When she is ready, B will perform his part and A will respond using the old pattern.

The second time, A will try changing one of the ingredients and thereby change the response. Do this two more times, making a different choice each time (change a different ingredient or try a different option for the same ingredient).

Switch roles until each person has had the opportunity to practice new ingredients.

 

1. Helping another

 

Now that you are aware of the ingredients of an interaction you may be able to notice when the recipient of your message becomes entangled in past meanings and feelings. We’ll spend some time talking about what you can do and say in this situation.

References

Satir, Virginia, John Banmen, Jane Gerber, Maria Gomori. The Satir Model. Palo Alto, CA. Science & Behavior Books, Inc.,1991.

Hanshaw, Sheri. The Ingredients of an Interaction: A Satir Recipe for Communication. Section 11 of the Satir Systems Performance Development Yearlong Program Reader.

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